Rejection Collection

In 2024 I quit my normal job in order to take up collecting rejection letters. It may have been a crazy choice, but I have a really impressive selection now. I might apply for them to be in the Guiness Book of Records. Even if they turn me down, I win!

That’s what you get when you choose to be In The Arts, I suppose. Everyone thinks that being In The Arts means dicking about and then magically being paid a lot of money. For me, yes, there is a lot of dicking about, it’s my forte, but instead of wodges of cash, there’s wodges of ‘thank you for your application, but…’

(My favourite rejection was from a producer who said my script was not funny enough, but ‘...pleasingly bonkers.’ Might get that one framed.)

These days it’s all emails, not proper paper letters, but when you hear about Stephen King collecting all his rejection letters on a big spike, it’s tempting to print off those emails and ceremoniously impale each one. Except that I cannot be trusted to own a massive spike and not lose an eye. Instead I have an extensive, colour-coded Excel spreadsheet. Much safer. Each competition, audition or shot-in-the-dark starts off white before I apply, then yellow when I have…then the seemingly inevitable grey when they respond. There’s a couple of greens (acceptances) in there ruining the overall uniformity, but you can’t have everything.

I make these jokes through gritted teeth as I await another response later this week. But they really are  inevitable when you’re In The Arts. One placement I applied for had about a thousand applications for two roles. Even if my writing was certifiable genius, that’s quite some odds to beat! And you never know if you came third or if the decision between you and the successful candidate was a coin flip or based on the typeface you used.

Of course this doesn’t mean I won’t have a good sulk each time a new rejection letter hits the inbox, and I suggest that you should too. But think of your growing collection, your record breaking spreadsheet, and think of the validation when you get your BAFTA.